Personal safety when in a relationship with an abuser
It is very stressful to be in an abusive relationship and live in a violent home. You may feel powerless, but there are some things you can do to ensure your and your children's safety.
- I can tell __________ and ____________ about the violence and request they call the police if they hear suspicious noises coming from my house. I can also teach my children how to use the telephone to contact the police.
- I can use ________ as a code word with my children, family, and friends when I need them to call the police.
- I can practice getting out of my home safely. (Think about which doors, windows, elevators and stairwells would be best. Consider backing the car into the driveway and keep it fueled. Keep the driver's door unlocked -- but the other doors locked -- for a quick escape.)
- I can keep a packed bag with important items with ____________ (a friend, neighbor, etc.) in case I have to leave home quickly.
- When I expect there is going to be an explosion, I will try to move to a space that is lower risk, such as _____________ . (Try to avoid arguments in the bathroom, garage, kitchen, near weapons or in rooms without access to an outside door. Try not to wear scarves or long jewelry that can be used to grab and strangle you.)
- If violence is unavoidable, I can try to make myself a small target. I can get into a corner and curl up into a ball. (Protect your face and put your arms around your head, with your fingers entwined in back.)
- I will make sure that important phone numbers are accessible to my children and myself.
Police 911 My Sister's Place Hotline 202-529-5991
Friends Family __________________________
- I will use my judgment and intuition. If the situation is very serious, I can give my partner what he/she wants to calm him/her down. I have to protect myself until I/we are out of danger.
Safety Plan When Preparing To Leave
- I can request police stand-by or escort while I leave. I can call my police district.
- I can create a false trail. I can make inquiries at motels, real estate agencies, or schools in a town at least six hours away from where I am actually located. I can ask them to call me back with answers in order to leave phone numbers on record, and make my abuser think I have gone off to a different place.
- If I leave my home, I can go to (list four places/homes of friends or family) :_______________ _______________ _______________ _______________
- I can rely on ________________ and __________________ to be my support people. I tell them about the violence and ask them to call the police if they hear suspicious noises coming from my house.
- I can leave extra money, car keys, clothes, and copies of documents with _____________.
- If I leave, I will bring:
-Identification -Welfare Identification
-Birth Certificates -Passports, Green Cards, Work Permits
-Social Security cards -Divorce papers
-School and medical records -Lease/rental agreement
-Money, bank books, credit cards -House deed, mortgage payment book
-Keys: house/car/office -Current unpaid bills
-Driver's license and registration -Insurance papers
-Medications -Address book
-Children's favorite toys, blankets -Change of clothes
-Threatening letters from my abuser, or other evidence
- To ensure safety and independence, I can: keep change for phone calls with me at all times; open my own savings account; practice my escape route with my children and support person; and review safety plan on __________ (date).
- I will sit down and review my safety plan in order to plan the safest way to leave the residence. _______________(domestic violence advocate or friend) has agreed to help me review this plan.
- I will have a backup plan in case my first plan does not work.
Increasing Safety After You Leave
Leaving an abusive relationship is an incredibly brave thing to do. Below are some suggestions to consider to keep yourself safe.- I can: change the locks on my doors and windows and install steel/metal doors; poles to wedge doors; a security system; smoke detectors; and an outside lighting system.
- I will tell _______________ and ___________________that my partner no longer resides with me and ask them to call the police if s/he is observed near my residence or my children.
- I will tell people who take care of my children who has permission to pick them up. The people who have permission are: ________________.
- I will alert my neighbors, co-workers, and security personnel at my workplace.
- I can avoid stores, banks, and ________________that I used when I lived with my partner.
- I can purchase rope ladders to be used for escape from second floor windows.
- I will teach my children how to use the telephone to make a collect call to me and to _____________ (friend/minister/others) in the event that my partner takes the children.
- I will consider changing my children's schools and make sure the schools have a copy of the restraining order.
- I can ask my telephone company about Caller ID and have my phone blocked. (This is so you can call out but neither your abuser nor anyone else will be able to get your new unlisted number).
Safety on the Job and in Public
- I can tell __________________ at work about my situation and ask __________________ to screen my calls. I can give my abuser's photograph to security.
- I can devise a safety plan for when I leave work. I can have ______________ escort me to my car and wait with me until I am safely en route. I can use a variety of different routes to go home.
- I can request that my work hours and office location be changed.
- I can move my desk to a place where I can see anyone entering the room and where no one can come up behind me.
- I can change my phone number and extension.
- I can register my CPO with security.
- I can ask my employer to get a restraining order against my batterer in addition to my own.
Safety with a Civil Protection Order
- I can obtain a protective order from _________________court, keep it at home, in my car, at work, in my purse, and on or near me at all times as well as leave a copy with _______________ and my children's schools. (Should you call the police to arrest your abuser, it is helpful to have a copy of the restraining order with you.)
- If my partner violates the protection order, I can call the police and report a violation, contact my attorney, call my advocate, and/or advise the court of the violation.
- If I am getting a restraining order and I am leaving home, I can rent a post office box for my mail or use the address of a trusted friend. (Be aware that addresses are on restraining orders and police reports.)
- I will give my protection order to police departments in the community where I work, in those communities where I usually visit family or friends, and in the community where I live.
- I will inform ______________, ____________, and ____________ (example: employer, minister, closest friend) that I have a protection order in effect.
- If the police are not responsive, I can contact the supervising officer at my police district. (See Resources section for number)
For Teens in a Violent Dating Relationship
- I can tell _____________ about the relationship.
- I can contact an advocate at the court, my school counselor, or a trusted adult to help me obtain a restraining order, make a safety plan, or end the relationship.
Safety Plan for Your Emotional Health
- If I feel down and ready to return to my abuser, I can call ___________________ for support. I can also attend workshops, support groups, and read books to gain support and strength.
- I can think positive thoughts about myself and be assertive with others about my needs.
- If I have to communicate with my abuser I can determine the safest ways to do so.